Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Tips for kott

I've been taking the train to work on Fridays because well, freeway traffic on Fridays buh-LOWS. (It blows all the time, but Fridays are an extra special treat. From Satan.) So even though it takes me two hours each way - yes, you read that right - I actually wouldn't get there any faster if I drove. Ah, California.

But it does have its perks - knitting on the train (kott) for one! Here are some helpful tips and observations for those of you who may also find yourself in a kott way someday... and a few for those who may inadvertently come across this post while searching for something pervy:

1. Knitting on the train - fun!

2. Frogging on the train - not.

3. Frogging on the train with your arm wrapped around a pole not realizing that the yarn has also wrapped itself around the pole and then beelining across the car for an empty seat trailing a long ass strand behind you in everyone's face does not, in fact, make you look smart.

4. If you need to toss your head back to get your bangs out of your eyes, it's best to make sure there isn't a pole there first.

5. If the signs tell you to go upstairs for the next connection, it's best to look over your shoulder at the next level to see the platform behind you first, instead of going up two levels and wondering why you're standing on the street.

6. If you commit 3, 4, and 5 on the same day, it's best to make sure you have Pop Tarts at home first. You'll still be an idiot, but you'll be an idiot on a sugar high, which helps.

7. To the old man who was pretending to hang on to his market cart behind me - you're not fooling anyone. I know you were grabbing my ass.

8. To non-knitters who encounter knitters standing on the platform - it's fine if you ask us what we're knitting, but please do not rub your hands all over whatever we're knitting. We're sure you're very nice, but we don't know where your hands have been. Yeah, sure, you may have just washed them. Then again, you may have just been grabbing someone's ass pretending to hang on to your market cart.

9. To teens and pre-teens who feel it is necessary to let everyone in the tri-county area hear your conversation - you are in a train car. It's best to use your inside voice. Not your inside-a-wind-tunnel voice.

10. To anyone my age now who may have encountered me when I was their age - Please accept my humble apologies for being what I'm sure was that obnoxious back then.


Blogger Bezzie said... there anything sexier than yarn fondling ass grabbers??

3:53 AM  
Blogger SJ said...

People should seriously have to take common courtesy classes before they're allowed to use public transportation. Have you noticed that no one says "Excuse me" anymore?

Sorry about #7. That royally sucks. Have you tried public humiliation as retribution?

4:24 AM  
Blogger Zonda said...

Owie on the bang moving head slap...well bump! Girl I feel for you that long of a commute though!

5:08 AM  
Blogger knottygnome said...

Re: #4--see this is why i do not have bangs. dangerous. *shakes head*

8:09 AM  
Blogger prairiegirl said...

Oh... that should have come with a warning label not to read while in my overly quiet office.

(promise I am laughing with you not at you!!)

9:38 AM  
Blogger chemgrrl said...

Ah, the pleasures of public transportation. Oh, and you should probably get your bangs trimmed. Because I can totally see you forgetting #4.

10:20 AM  
Blogger IrishgirlieKnits said...

Best post of the day!! Just made me laugh for a few minutes :)

Now back to work.....

2:38 PM  
Blogger stacyZ said...

Holy Cow you have me ROFLMAO. Sorry love but #3 oh I can picture it.

2:57 PM  
OpenID katesaid said...

I cannot wait until we move back into a place that has reasonable public transportation, just for the knitting time. (The sad thing? When we did live someplace where I was commuting 1 1/2 hours a day by train, I didn't knit yet. Such a waste.)

Glad that you were able to dredge up some philosophy and points to ponder after your experience!

3:21 PM  
Blogger turtlegirl76 said...

Hee! I especially can relate to #4. You are too funny. Sorry about the old perv.

3:28 PM  
Blogger cpurl17 said...

Ahhh, I remember the days of commuting on the train. Pervs are everywhere. And drunks. And cell phone yappers.

There was the day the train was packed and my ball fell out of my bag and rolled under the seat ahead of me.

and the people who told me their grandma's liked to crochet...

but my favorite was the old lady who smiled at me and gave me an enthusiastic said "Yay for knitters!!"

4:21 PM  
Blogger The A.D.D. Knitter said...

You are so damn funny! And I can't believe I didn't ever realize that you lived in Cali...

6:19 AM  
Blogger The Kelly Green Rogue said...

LOL yay for knitting, even if you have to suffer teenagers and ass-grabbers to do it!

8:54 AM  
Blogger Nell said...

LOL!!!! I'm always amazed when I see teenagers now. I think I was NEVER that annoying... Yeah, right!

Sorry about your KOTT adventures gone bad. But just think, you're saving a little fossil fuel and making blog fodder all at once. You multitasker, you!

3:52 PM  

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