Friday, March 21, 2008

*Evil laugh*

At some point, the resident sports fan (RSF) in your life may come to you with a sheet of paper filled with multiple lines and names of colleges (many of which you've never heard of). This will apparently be for some strange illness called "March Madness".

For inexplicable reasons, RSF may think it would be fun for both of you to complete these forms and see who can better select the winners. This will be especially perplexing if RSF has been married to/has lived with/has known you for many years and thus should know by now that you don't give a rat's ass have no interest in sports.

However, it is best to humor RSF, as this will provide you with a golden opportunity to mess with him for scientific observation. The following three-step method has been proven most effective:

1. Once RSF provides you with the form, RSF will begin feverishly checking mysterious things called "stats" and "rankings" in order to complete his brackets in a well-informed and well-calculated manner.

2. During this time, you should select your teams based on the following criteria:

Tier 1 - "Let's see... if I had to visit one of these schools, which city would I rather go to?"

Tier 2 - "For the first team, I'll pick which one comes first in the alphabet. For the second team, I'll pick which one comes last in the alphabet."

Tier 3 - "Oh! I know! I'll choose which school colors are prettier."

Tier 4 - "Okay, now which school mascot could kick the other mascot's ass..."

Tier 5 - "Hmmm...which coach is better looking than the other..."

Tier 6 - *close eyes, point to paper, select team*

3. It is important that you announce your selection methods out loud and in the presence of RSF, and to include periodic bursts of girly-type giggling, in order to maximize the potential for RSF insanity.

Extra Credit: This scientific method for selecting brackets may, as in this case, inadvertently lead to the selection of the two top-ranked teams in the nation for the final game. This, in turn, will disturb RSF greatly. RSF will then become obsessed with the brackets in abject fear that your scientifically-selected method may emerge the winner. This, in turn, will provide you with endless opportunities for entertainment, as well as uninterrupted time in which to pursue other interests. Say, knitting, for example...


Blogger Trillian42 said...

Yet another reason I am SO GLAD I married a geek instead of a sports nut. :)

Good luck with making him crazy, though!

2:26 PM  
Blogger SJ said...

And, inevitably, your method will beat RSF's method, which will annoy him to no end.

(Reminds me of that SNL sketch last season with Peyton Manning, who was supposed to be a basketball expert but got beaten by a secretary or something who entered her office pool and used a similar selection method.)

2:50 PM  
Blogger cpurl17 said... time I go yarn shopping I might apply the same scientific method and see what I come up with!

2:57 PM  
Blogger Bezzie said...

Tell it sister!

I do the "which mascot could kick the other mascot's ass" method. Which really sucked this year. I had a lot of Bruin on Bruin and Bulldog on Bulldog action. Thank god for the Mystical Smoking Head of Bob to guide me (he's a three eyed magic eight ball type device).

4:20 PM  
Blogger The Kelly Green Rogue said...

oh that is awesome! I hope your selection method works! It will drive him crazy for ages! LOL

6:34 AM  
Blogger Batty said...

On the other hand, I have the sneaking suspicion that few of us knitterly types would find it quite as boring if we were comparing yarns instead of teams... Now there's an idea, I should go make a chart.

7:58 AM  
Blogger knottygnome said...

on the other hand, some of us enjoy our march madness. spicy and i also have our brackets on the fridge. in our case, whoever wins gets a prize, but we haven't actually decided yet what the prize is. something tells me we need to do more research on how betting works...

7:50 AM  

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